| How can friends and relatives help Family and friends can help by spending time with the person who has been bereaved. It is not so much words of comfort that are needed, but more the willingness to be with them during the time of their pain and distress. A sympathetic arm around the shoulders will express care and support when words are not enough. It is important that, if they wish it, bereaved people are able to cry with somebody and talk about their feelings of pain and distress without being told to pull themselves together. In time, they will get over it, but first they need to talk and to cry. Others may find it hard to understand why the bereaved have to keep going over the same ground again and again, but this is part of the process of resolving grief and should be encouraged. lf you don't know what to say, or don't even know whether to talk about it or not, be honest and say so. This gives the bereaved person a chance to tell you what he or she wants. People often avoid mentioning the name of the person who has died for fear that it will be upsetting. However, to the bereaved person it may seem as though others have forgotten their loss, adding a sense of isolation to their painful feelings of grief. It must be remembered that festive occasions and anniversaries (not only of the death but also birthdays and weddings) are particularly painful times when friends and relatives can make a special effort to be around. Practical help with cleaning, shopping or looking after children can ease the burden of being alone. Elderly bereaved partners may need help with the chores that the deceased partner used to handle - coping with bills, cooking, housework, getting the car serviced and so on. It is important to allow people enough time to grieve. Some can seem to get over the loss quickly, but others take longer. So don't expect too much too soon from a bereaved relative or friend - they need the time to grieve properly, and this will help to avoid problems in the future. |
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