Dr Bill Webster

A Series of Thoughts:

The grief that follows the death of someone you care about can be one of the most difficult experiences of life.

I know, because after my wife died. I experienced a reaction that frankly surprised me. People tell us we must “be strong”, “you mustn’t cry”, and that “life must go on. Some may even try to suggest that what has happened is “for the best”, or even “a blessing in disguise”.

But YOU may be feeling like this is the worst thing that could have happened. You miss the person, and you may feel like your emotions have exploded. Or possibly you just feel NUMB. The days that followed my wife’s death were like an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes it felt like an avalanche that was going to overwhelm me. There were times when I really felt like I was “losing it”.

What I was experiencing was GRIEF. Grief is a NATURAL human reaction to a significant loss. When someone you care about dies, you are going to experience grief. Yet, many times in our culture, we are not given “permission to grieve”. Some of the cliche’s seem to suggest that grief is not acceptable, and often we can feel that people are expecting us to quickly “get over it”.

You don’t get over a significant relationship in a few days or weeks. I would like to think that after I die, my family and friends will care enough to shed a few tears over my absence. Certainly I would want them to turn to life again, but from time to time, I hope they would remember and miss me. The tears of grief are not a sign of weakness, but an indication of how special and significant the relationship was.

No matter what the relationship you have lost, you are going to miss all the things that this person brought to your life. I missed my wife at weddings, at the beach, at home, at 11.00 at night. Going places we had been and doing things we had done were difficult, especially the first time.

May I suggest: The heart wrenching pain will not last forever, but it necessary to go through it for it has many lessons for us. People may say “try to forget”, but not only is that impossible, it is unwise, because it is the memories, however painful it may be to remember, that helps us heal.

For more information on the grief process, Dr Bill Webster has a website at www.griefjourney.com.